Reoccurring Message In The Night.

This makes 3 dreams that I've had now that I've left where I am and revisited the past. The past is the future though. Meaning, I left Charlotte, or ZHOP, and went back to Springfield, and everything went back to normal. That is I hung out with the friends that used to be close, when I lived there, and family, but didn't rekindle old activities. It was a new, refreshing, positive life with the same company as before, and it was great. The weird thing was, when I remembered all of the happenings and friends from here, what is my life in real life now, it was an "Oh yea! Those guys! I wonder how they're doing!" type of thought. I didn't miss it as much as I think that I would if I were to move back. I didn't miss the people as much, and I didn't miss the ministry. None of it was part of my life, and it barely crossed my mind. I actually thought in my dream while randomly remembering a friend from here, "Oh yea, 'insert person's name', man, its really weird I don't miss them. I almost forgot about him/her" and felt guilt. It was all old news, and I had begun a life in Springfield again with the same values I live in here, and I brought others into these values with the way I lived my life. No words were needed to be said and there was no outreach. It was the silence that brought others into the faith and a lifestyle of intimacy with the Lord.

This dream was realer than the others I've had in the last couple weeks. Revisiting a past made new as if it was my reality in my dream is making today's truth feel like a walk in a place that's not supposed to be my reality anymore. I feel like I'm walking in the past, like I'm holding on to something that's supposed to be gone. The past being the truth of my life as of today, and the feeling being the desire to be home in Springfield. Its making me miss "home", even though this is my "home" now. Its messed up my mind set and heart for the day, as I'm hoping my insides will be back to all confidence in today by tomorrow. For now, I really miss my family and friends. I've been woken up to the fact that I'm surrounded by people I've known, or more so been surrounded by, for less than a year while constantly in a lifestyle I was just born into. It makes everything feel so surreal. Like, there's supposed to be an end soon. It makes me feel crazy for leaving everything...for everything here. Oh man, staying lost in the elude of my dreams all day would probably have been an easier, smarter choice than getting out of my bed and starting the coffee for a day cooped up in a house built on these questions. My mind's not resting while its in a maze of trying to figure out what happens at the end, and if there is an end, to this place I've found my way in for the last 10 months.

I know if I went back I'm not strong enough to stand on my own. I'm not like-minded enough to walk with the Father and Son's wisdom, and be led-forth by the Spirit continually without falling quickly. And I really do think I would miss this place, and the people, so much that I'd feel like I lost a limb or two. Or at least I think I'm sure of it. Could there be this same way in  a new place, or an old place decorated with unexpected, renewed relationships, places, and lifestyles? Or am I just missing the familiar again?

Why am I having this dream in different scenarios in Springfield with different people over and over again? Is it a preparation and comfort from God, or is it an alluring temptation from the enemy?